Archeologists are baffled by discovery of an ancient document that supposedly offered a guiding light in a bygone era.

“We’re still unclear whether or not these principles were meant to be put into practice or just a nice theory” said Professor Xavier Rumpus, a specialist in public discourse and protest.

His colleague Professor Beatrice Profitte recalls the remarkable developments in the early 2020s before the UK’s General Election in 2024. “Laws were being changed nearly as fast as Prime Ministers to thwart ‘public interest’ in saving life on earth from climate catastrophe” she remarked.

Neither of them were able to comment on where the Nolan Principles were meant to fit in. Dr T. Witter, a fantasy writer and misinformation connoisseur, speculated that the public’s life had become very confused in that era by social media and AI, coupled with efforts to exploit poor memories to promote ‘short-term voting decisions’ for a blighter’s future.

Thank heavens for the huge number of young people who managed to register to vote and prove who they were at that most momentous of ballot boxes, they all agreed.

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