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📢 Exclusive – thanks to an undercover investigation by the anti-woke and anti-antifa press alliance, we can reveal the alarming news that plans are in place for the 15-MINUTE COUNTRY.

While we thought we had fought off the threat of local communities having access to what they needed on their doorsteps for everyday lives, a new – even greater – threat has emerged.

New analysis suggests that nearly the whole of the UK has access within a five-mile distance to an urban area (where it is rumoured you can access things you need). Thanks to the outrageous development of e-bikes and e-scooters alongside the motor car, it appears that many if not most people could access what they need across the whole country! This is being dubbed the 15-MINUTE COUNTRY.

But this is the thin end of the wedge. Thanks to pioneering aviation technology developments it may soon (in 38.54 years to be precise) be possible to fly to most parts of the world (if you are rich enough – tough if not – ha, ha!) in 15 minutes. Of course market analysts are suggesting this could spell the arrival of the 15 MINUTE WORLD. Outrageous.

World markets have been thrown into confusion because – yes, I know, this us truly shocking – thanks to the wonderful world of capitalism and low taxes for the super-rich, billionaire investors are suggesting that transcending time and space using new space technologies – known as SPACE A-Z – is achievable leading to futurists fearing that this could spell the advent of the 15-MINUTE UNIVERSE.

Please take every precaution.

Oh….. Hang on. My editor has just pointed out that the 15-MINUTE COUNTRY might be in line with our readers’ wishes. And the woke eco-zealots out there wouldn’t sign-up to the carbon intensive implications of the 15-MINUTE WORLD OR UNIVERSE. Hurrah!!!!! Rewrite the headline, this is a victory for common sense!

#15minutecity #LTNs #ecozealots